Meanwhile in Zimbabwe…

Map of Zimbabwe
Map of Zimbabwe

Please note that the personal accounts within this post are a work of fiction and are not to be taken seriously.

This week I travelled abroad looking for answers for numerous strange cases of goblin harassment and terrorization in the African country of Zimbabwe. What you will find here is a detailed account of my investigation into these cases. Podcast diaries recorded during my travels are to follow in the coming week.

Now, I know what you may be thinking at this point. Probably something along the lines of, “Goblins? Really? Mercedes, where is your head?” I’ll tell you where my head is, listeners! It’s on the border of reality and fantasy. And not in a good way.

Goblin Sculpture a.k.a A Snapshot of Your Nightmares
Goblin Sculpture a.k.a A Snapshot of Your Nightmares

Goblins, referred to as either Zvikwambo or Tokoloshe in Zimbabwe, are historically known as small, evil-willed creatures with magical abilities. Different accounts of the creatures have suggested that they have an appetite for human blood, money, and sex.

Many of the dwarf-like beings are rumored to live in solitude along the Limpopo River that separates Zimbabwe from South Africa; however, there are also goblins that are captured and kept as slaves by African witch doctors, or n’anga.

African N'anga
African N’anga

These n’anga are often sought for after a goblin has been reported to attack or harass a victim. Their approach to most goblin attacks are to conduct traditional cleansing ceremonies of the areas of infestation or attack, banishing the evil creatures.

Among the reported attacks was the terrorization and attempted sexual assault of four nurses at the Irisvale Clinic in Umzingwane, Matabeleland (original article here). The nurses fled and have yet to return. Apparently fleeing in terror is a common response to coming face first with these creatures, as it was reported here, in the case of cops fleeing a police station, and here again, in the case of young school girls fleeing a school.

People. Are. Terrified.

And now, on to my personal accounts in Zimbabwe, which I definitely visited on Monday.

Day 1: Monday

On this day I landed in Zimbabwe and tried my luck speaking to the locals of Bulawayo, a location I had chosen to spend my time as most of my research had suggested that this was a goblin attack hotspot. Naturally there was a language barrier and there were quite a few missed connections, but eventually I came upon someone that was able to tell me about the attacks. His stories were very detailed and riveting. However, he made me promise never to repeat them as he was horrified a goblin might happen upon my report and “come after him.”

Day 2: Still Monday Somehow…?

A goblin attack was reported to have occurred at a small market in the center of Bulawayo. Everyone fled the scene and a n’anga was summoned to do a cleansing. It was actually quite interesting to witness, however written witness accounts of such a ceremony are forbidden; locals fear that speaking in detail of cleansing ceremonies after they have transpired could reverse the affects and, in fact, invite more goblins to the scene of the attack.

Day 3: Is it Really Still Monday?

This morning I awoke to the face of a small creature looking directly at me, perched atop my heap of blankets. At first, with tired eyes, I thought it might have been a cat. But once I rubbed the sleep away it dawned on me that it was in no way, shape, or form a cat at all. It was a goblin. As you can imagine, dear listeners, I fled. And not just my bed, or that room, or that town. I fled Zimbabwe entirely.

Believe what you will. As far as I’m concerned, goblins are running a muck in Zimbabwe, and we should all hope they don’t know how to swim.

(Original Post By: Mercedes Khali)

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